Gus and his nerdy buddies, Richie and Clark, are scouted by a millionaire nerd, Mel, who wants to form a baseball team and compete with the meanest Little League teams in the state. A stellar ballplayer, Gus becomes a role model for nerds and outcasts everywhere. But when his fans learn that Gus, himself, was once a school bully, they feel outraged and betrayed, until Gus takes extraordinary steps. - skip ad - Genres: Comedy and Sports Release Date: April 7th, 2006 (wide) MPAA Rating: PG-13 for crude and suggestive humor, and for language. Distributor: Sony Pictures Releasing Cast And Credits Starring: Rob Schneider, David Spade, Jon Heder, Jon Lovitz, Craig Kilborn Directed by: Dennis Dugan Produced by: Todd Garner, Derek Dauchy, Jack Giarraputo

They hide these things for a reason, folks. Apparently sensing that the nation's film critics would collectively not appreciate the subtle, understated humor of this latest Adam Sandler-produced effort, the aptly titled "The Benchwarmers" opened Friday without press screenings.

Clearly hoping for some "Dodgeball"-level boxoffice, this gross-out comedy is about a trio of losers inspiring some young tykes on the baseball field to beat their bullying competition.

Unfortunately, Rob Schneider, David Spade and Jon Heder aren't exactly the Three Stooges. Heck, they aren't even the "Three Amigos."

You can practically set your watch by the obligatory trotting out of the vulgar gags. Within the first minute, nose picking; by the third minute, farting, etc. Rest assured that every bodily function is covered by the film's conclusion, within the limits of the PG-13 rating.

This is not to say that there isn't some genuine humor on display. Perhaps the funniest gag stems from the casting of Molly Sims as Schneider's eager-to-be-pregnant wife.

Schneider actually plays it relatively straight as Gus, the only one of the three losers to actually have had sex, let alone kissed a girl. Heder's mentally challenged delivery boy and Spade's lesbian-loving video store clerk are far broader, if no more funny, characterizations.

The few laughs in the film stem from Jon Lovitz's amusing turn as a nerdy billionaire who bankrolls the three in order to help his young son get off the bench. Living in a mansion filled with "Star Wars" memorabilia and driving around in the Batmobile, the character is a hoot, and the underplaying Lovitz makes the most of it.

Otherwise, Dennis Dugan's film is strictly by the numbers, featuring the obligatory self-deprecating cameo by a real-life sports hero (Reggie Jackson), an overload of blatant product placement (Pizza Hut) and an utterly manufactured happy ending.

You have to credit the filmmakers for at least acknowledging their level of dreck during the final credits, when Lovitz rhetorically asks, "This was a complete waste of time, wasn't it?"